When Tradition Stops Feeling Like Home

This week, Yurani Cubillos, artist, visual storyteller, and Healing Bells’ organic social media partner, reflects on tradition, belonging, and what it means to choose care over performance. By questioning the expectations we inherit and listening to what truly nourishes us, she invites us to imagine new ways of gathering that center honesty, rest, and connection.

Christmas agave plant, taken at Marina Vallarta. A representation of doing traditions differently. Photo: Yurani Cubillos

I always say that it’s important for tradition to evolve just as we do. And when I stopped romanticizing the holidays, I started to see the ugly parts past the decorations and the shiny wrapping paper. I saw people who didn’t check in on each other all year.

The intrusive questions about my body, my relationships, or my financial status. The “I could never live like that” or the “Mexico is so dangerous” from people who have never left their hometowns. Having to laugh it off. Having to be careful not to cause a scene. All in the name of tradition.

Creating new traditions means gathering the pieces that honor who you are becoming. This collage reminds us that wholeness is something we choose and create. Photo: Yurani Cubillos

That’s when something in me shifted.

So I started to say no. And I focused on gathering with the people who made me feel good about myself, people who were curious about my life. I’m creating my own traditions. I’m holding space for meaningful gatherings that nourish me.

And I’ve found so much joy in doing things differently. Staying home with my partner and my dog on New Year’s with a movie, wine, and wings. A friendsgiving spent with both old friends and new. This year, I’m even thinking I want to get a day pass at a hotel and spend Christmas Day reading on the beach. No pressure. No performance. Just choosing what feels good and honest for me.

Do I feel guilty? Absolutely. I haven’t arrived at a place where I don’t care at all. I care because that’s who I am. And I often ask myself: do they care? Am I missed? Or are they relieved not to have to witness everything that I am, the me that makes them question who they are?

A reminder that setting boundaries is a form of self-care. Artist unknown. Photo: Yurani Cubillos

If something inside you has been shifting too, let this be your permission to create traditions that feel like home to you.

FAQ 

1. Is it okay to step away from traditions that no longer feel good? 

Yes. Traditions are meant to support us, not silence or shrink us. When a tradition requires you to endure discomfort, judgment, or erasure, it’s allowed to evolve, or be released entirely.

2. Why does choosing new traditions come with so much guilt? 

Because many of us were taught that proximity equals love and that endurance equals respect. Choosing yourself can feel like a betrayal when it’s actually an act of honesty. Guilt doesn’t mean you’re wrong: it often means you’re doing something new.

3. What if my version of “home” looks different from everyone else's?

Then it’s likely closer to the truth of who you are. Home isn’t a place you perform for others, it’s where you can rest, be curious, and be fully yourself. Creating traditions that feel like home is a form of self-trust.