Five Stages of Healing from Trauma

Trauma survivors deserve to heal. What happened to them is not their fault. They did not deserve to be mistreated. Sexual violence is a global crisis occurring on the streets, among families and medical professionals, professors, clerics and politicians, entertainment and hospitality industries–anywhere someone in power can find a way to be alone with someone who has less power. The perpetrator-in-power gaslights, shames, blames, or threatens the victim into silence and guilt.

Gaslighters flip the script to psychologically manipulate and control the victim. They paint the victim as the wrongful one and paint themselves as the victims. Here’s an example: “If only you hadn’t said/done that, I wouldn’t have had to hit you.” “Why are you always so upset/sensitive?” “What’s wrong with you?”

The opposite of a gaslighter is someone who treats others with respect, who listens to and believes their stories. Being treated with respect and dignity opens up hope and light. Being in a community who value and practice mutual support and respect sets the stage for healing. Here are five stages of healing presented with memorable rhyming words: Shame–Blame–Name–Tame–Claim.  

Stages 1 and 2 are Shame and Blame, both of which are inward facing. Perpetrators try to make survivors believe that the harm they (perpetrators) caused is the fault of the survivors. Perpetrators, families, and society often place shame and blame on victims. Shame and blame get stored physically inside of us, and–in addition to causing psychological scars–, these stages can create somatic symptoms, including acid reflux, chest tightening, throat constriction, foggy thinking, insomnia, higher glucose levels, anxiety, and depression. These symptoms can eventually grow into chronic health issues. In order to heal, we need to find a way to externalize these toxic internalizations.

The arts engage the senses, where trauma is stored. Engaging in the sensory aspects of the arts can help people release trauma. Physical activity can, too. The arts and exercise are both embodied activities that can release toxins stored in the body, and externalize the internal trauma of shame and blame. Our bodies don’t deserve to hold that shame and blame. To remove shame and blame from our bodies, we can physically brush it off of us, push it away while swimming, kick it away while walking, biking or dancing, write it down and scratch it out or burn it. 

At Healing Bells, we also externalize the trauma by naming it (Stage 3). We say it out loud to ourselves and to each other, and affirm one another’s truths. We name the pain to tame the pain (Stage 4). Naming harmful tactics or constructs–such as gaslighting; silent treatment; sexual violence; isolating; punishing; narcissism; patriarchy; racism; misogyny; exclusion; body shaming; homo-/transphobia; classism; jealousy; entitlement; white supremacy; xenophobia; verbal, physical or psychological abuse–is an essential step toward freeing or externalizing the trauma trapped inside. Talk with a therapist and trusted friends to name what happened. Physically release each construct you name: sing it out, shout it out, stomp it out, punch it away, blow it out of your body. Part of the naming and taming stages are flipping the script back to the truth and placing the blame and shame on the perpetrator rather than the victim. With the arts, we create songs and dances such as, 

“I’ll name the pain to tame the pain and stand in solidarity with those brave souls who dare to be themselves."

-from Ni une más, ©CHI Press, 2025.

Engaging in arts co-creation to tell their stories helps storytellers to feel heard, validated, and believed, which leads us to the ultimate step–Claim. As we continue to externalize the shame and blame, and name the pain to tame the pain, we can begin to claim the beautiful people we are, and reclaim our whole selves, our agency, our bodies, and our empowerment. Cut ties with people who judge you and deplete your energy. Build a supportive community of people who lift you up, energize you, who can communicate clearly and lean into topics of healing from trauma supportively.

If you look closely at the Stages of Healing from Trauma diagram, you’ll see that each of the five circles emanate from the same point. Initially, I tried to draw these stages as a bar graph or a table, but realized that those images aren't accurate depictions because they would imply that once a person has worked through one stage, they can check it off the list. Trauma doesn’t disappear entirely. The body remembers trauma as a protective mechanism for us. When our bodies feel tense or manifest somatic symptoms around someone, our bodies could be telling us that person isn’t safe. With time, hard work, and a supportive community, we can build strategies to manage our trauma and foster agency around it, shrinking the shame and blame circles, and expanding the name, tame, and claim circles. 

Initially, the shame and blame stages loom largest, while the other stages might feel almost out of reach. Yet, with some courage and support, they’re within your grasp–it just takes time to heal, to process the pain. It’s not a linear or stair-step path–it’s circuitous. We often find that just as we think we’ve worked through a stage, something new will happen in our lives that links to an old trauma and reignites it. With each cycle, though, we’re practicing the naming, taming, and claiming steps, which gradually make it easier to externalize, de-personalize, and work through the issues we can. The circles in this diagram can grow or shrink according to what stage we’re in.  Ultimately, in the claim–reclaim healing stage, we can learn how to believe in ourselves instead of blaming ourselves, how to receive support instead of shame, and how to find agency in telling our stories, connect with other survivors, and fight forward together to stop the violence.

In next week’s blog, I’ll dig deeper into what it means to be believed.

Note: We recognize that learning these 5 stages will be helpful for many people. You’re welcome to cite the 5 Stages of Trauma for non-commercial purposes only. Citations must include these credits: 

Developed by Pamela Ruiter-Feenstra for Healing Bells, https://healingbellsglobal.com. CHI Press, 2025. All rights reserved. 

If you’re interested in learning more about the 5 stages of healing, contact Dr. Pamela Ruiter-Feenstra at healingbellscontact@gmail.com to invite her to present on it in your community, and/or sign up for her Compose for Change: Healing Arts virtual class.