Five Stages of Healing from Trauma

“Shame the victim, blame the victim” are lines of an ironic cheer we created for Ni une más. In this part of the musical, three former University of Michigan athletes–Tad DeLuca, Chuck Christian, and Jon Vaughn–reveal that the athletic team doctor sexually abused thousands of athletes–including them–under the guise of medical care. Our ironic cheer opens with a classic gaslighting line, 

“This doesn’t happen at Michigan! This would never happen at Michigan!”

Johnathan Vaugh speaking on stage

Pamela and Healing Bells crew doing a coreography

Healing Bells team acting on stage

“This Doesn’t Happen at Michigan” from Healing Bells' Ni une más 2024 production. Photos: Mark Clague.

The truth is, this abuse did happen at Michigan–we now have a full investigative report from WilmerHale (2021) that proves it. But decades before the investigations began, athletes–including Tad DeLuca in 1975–reported the doctor. In Tad’s case, he wrote a letter to his coach, saying that there’s something not right going on with the doctor. But the doctor held all the power. The coach chose to protect the powerful one (the doctor) and blame and shame the victim (Tad) instead of doing the right thing: reporting the doctor and ensuring that this predator could never prey upon students again.  

Unfortunately, sexual violence continues unabated in institutions–from families to medical professionals, professors to clerics and politicians, entertainment and hospitality industries–anywhere someone in power can find a way to be alone with someone who has less power. The perpetrator-in-power gaslights, shames, blames, or threatens the victim into silence and guilt.

Gaslighters flip the script to psychologically manipulate and control the victim. They paint the victim as the wrongful one and paint themselves as the victims. Here’s an example: “If only you hadn’t said/done that, I wouldn’t have had to hit you.” “I would never do that!” “Why are you always so upset/sensitive?” “What’s wrong with you?”

The opposite of a gaslighter is someone who treats others with respect, who listens to and believes their stories. During preparations for our Ni une más musical, we witnessed a transformation in our team of survivors as they told their stories through song, dance, and speaking on stage. They were surrounded by a supportive community of survivors who believe them. I documented what was happening, and realized that we were witnessing a pattern of how people can heal from trauma–a pattern of hope and light. I summarized the pattern into five stages with memorable rhyming words: Shame–Blame–Name–Tame–Reclaim.  

Stages 1 and 2 are Shame and Blame, both of which are inward facing. Shame and blame get stored physically inside of us, and–in addition to causing psychological scars–, these stages can create somatic symptoms, including acid reflux, chest tightening, throat constriction, foggy thinking, insomnia, higher glucose levels, anxiety, and depression. These symptoms can eventually grow into chronic health issues. In order to heal, we need to find a way to externalize these toxic internalizations.

The arts engage the senses, where trauma is stored. Engaging in the sensory aspects of the arts can help people release trauma. Physical activity can, too. The arts and exercise are both embodied activities that can release toxins stored in the body, and externalize the internal trauma of shame and blame. Our bodies don’t deserve to hold that shame and blame. To remove shame and blame from our bodies, we can physically brush it off of us, push it away while swimming, kick it away while walking, biking or dancing, write it down and scratch it out or burn it. 

At Healing Bells, we also externalize the trauma by naming it (Stage 3). We say it out loud to ourselves and to each other, and affirm one another’s truths. We name the pain to tame the pain (Stage 4). Naming harmful tactics or constructs–such as gaslighting; silent treatment; sexual violence; isolating; punishing; narcissism; patriarchy; racism; misogyny; exclusion; body shaming; homo-/transphobia; classism; jealousy; entitlement; white supremacy; xenophobia; verbal, physical or psychological abuse–is an essential step toward freeing or externalizing the trauma trapped inside. Talk with a therapist and trusted friends to name what happened. Physically release each construct you name: sing it out, shout it out, stomp it out, punch it away, blow it out of your body. Part of the naming and taming stages are flipping the script back to the truth and placing the blame and shame on the perpetrator rather than the victim. With the arts, we create songs and dances such as, 

“I’ll name the pain to tame the pain and stand in solidarity with those brave souls who dare to be themselves."

-from Ni une más, ©CHI Press, 2025.

Engaging in arts co-creation to tell their stories helps storytellers to feel heard, validated, and believed, which leads us to the ultimate step–Claim. As we continue to externalize the shame and blame, and name the pain to tame the pain, we can begin to claim the beautiful people we are, and reclaim our whole selves, our agency, our bodies, and our empowerment. Cut ties with people who judge you and deplete your energy. Build a supportive community of people who lift you up, energize you, who can communicate clearly and lean into topics of healing from trauma supportively.

If you look closely at the Stages of Healing from Trauma diagram, you’ll see that each of the five circles emanate from the same point. Initially, I tried to draw these stages as a bar graph or a table, but realized that those images aren't accurate depictions because they would imply that once a person has worked through one stage, they can check it off the list. Trauma doesn’t disappear entirely. The body remembers trauma as a protective mechanism for us. When our bodies feel tense or manifest somatic symptoms around someone, our bodies could be telling us that person isn’t safe. With time, hard work, and a supportive community, we can build strategies to manage our trauma and foster agency around it, shrinking the shame and blame circles, and expanding the name, tame, and claim circles. 

Initially, the shame and blame stages loom largest, while the other stages might feel almost out of reach. Yet, with some courage and support, they’re within your grasp–it just takes time to heal, to process the pain. It’s not a linear or stair-step path–it’s circuitous. We often find that just as we think we’ve worked through a stage, something new will happen in our lives that links to an old trauma and reignites it. With each cycle, though, we’re practicing the naming, taming, and claiming steps, which gradually make it easier to externalize, de-personalize, and work through the issues we can. The circles in this diagram can grow or shrink according to what stage we’re in.  Ultimately, in the claim–reclaim healing stage, we can learn how to believe in ourselves instead of blaming ourselves, how to receive support instead of shame, and how to find agency in telling our stories, connect with other survivors, and fight forward together to stop the violence.

In next week’s blog, I’ll dig deeper into what it means to be believed.

Note: We recognize that learning these 5 stages will be helpful for many people. You’re welcome to cite the 5 Stages of Trauma for non-commercial purposes only. Citations must include these credits: 

Developed by Pamela Ruiter-Feenstra for Healing Bells, https://healingbellsglobal.com. CHI Press, 2025. All rights reserved. 

If you’re interested in learning more about the 5 stages of healing, contact Dr. Pamela Ruiter-Feenstra at healingbellscontact@gmail.com to invite her to present on it in your community, and/or sign up for her Compose for Change: Healing Arts virtual class, which drops in January.