Everyone deserves to be believed; Ni une más provides a healing community

“Oh, believe her, you have to believe her. She’d still be alive if you had listened to her.”

-from Ni une más, ©CHI Press, 2025.

In our Ni une más musical, we sing this "Oh, believe her" text to the judicial authorities who failed Andrea Ruiz Costas. Andrea appealed to the authorities multiple times for a restraining order against her ex-partner, but they repeatedly denied her. A few weeks after her final petition, the ex-partner murdered her.

Being believed is an essential step in getting out of an abusive relationship. Being believed is necessary for people to be able to trust those around them: family members, health care practitioners, friends, and legal service providers.

Believing survivors of any kind of trauma is necessary to stop the violence.

I invite you to check out the fabulous, sobering, and illuminating podcast Believed, hosted by Michigan Public’s Kate Wells and Lindsey Smith (https://michiganpublic.org/podcast/believed).  The Believed podcast is a public-facing example of two journalists’ quest to reveal the truth about hundreds of gymnasts who were abused by a doctor who manipulated young gymnasts and their parents to believe that his ‘treatments’ were helping them perform better at elite competitive levels. In the podcast interviews, the gymnasts repeatedly talk about not being believed–even not believing themselves that what he was doing was wrong because he was such a skillful gaslighter. He duped law enforcement officers with his medical jargon.

Finally, gymnast Rachael Denhollander blew the whistle and Detective Andrea Munford and Assistant Attorney General Angela Povilaitis tenaciously persevered to get to the core truth: he is a serial perpetrator. On the podcast, we hear the anguish of gymnasts who were not believed for years, contrasted with the redemption of their court hearing with Judge Rosemarie Aquilina presiding, where every survivor–at last–is believed. They deserve to be believed, and so do you.

Elizabeth Shadigian, MD, a trauma survivor herself, started her own medical practice,

Portrait of Elizabeth Shadigian

WomanSafeHealth, to make sure she could spend enough time with each person she sees, so they feel listened to and believed. Dr. Elizabeth is determined to get to the root causes of her clients’ health challenges. Often, those root causes stem from trauma. People rarely divulge trauma to someone they don’t trust, and trust takes time and patience. Conversely, in what Dr. Elizabeth calls the Manstitute of Medicine, doctors rarely demonstrate that they believe their clients, nor do they take the time to get to the core cause of complex medical issues. Dr. Elizabeth established Guiding Principles for her practice, which she shares in her excellent book, WomanSafeHealth: the Antidote to Status Quo Health Care (available from her practice at  https://womansafehealth.com/resources/ or on Amazon or Goodreads).

Her Guiding Principles are:

• I welcome you.

• I listen to you.

• I believe you.

• I protect your privacy.

• I am accountable to you.

• I respect “No.”

Credit: Elizabeth Shadigian, MD

Being welcomed, heard, believed, and respected are vital steps in the healing process. They are also key barometers to healthy relationships. This is what every survivor deserves. This is what every person–child, adolescent, adult, and elder–deserves. This is what you deserve.

Here's to healing. I believe in you.

Stay tuned for next week's blog from former University of Michigan (U-M) wrestler Tad DeLuca, who shares his personal story about not being believed. Read how he persevered in pursuing justice, and became the whistleblower that ultimately held the University of Michigan (U-M) accountable for their 38-year-long coverup of the U-M doctor’s abuse.