Disrupting patriarchy: “Boys will be boys? That’s a lot of foolish noise!”
- Pamela Ruiter -Feenstra
- Apr 30
- 4 min read
On this last day of Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), I’m going to share a Healing Bells composition I wrote to stand up to patriarchy and machismo. It’s called “Boys will be boys? That’s a lot of foolish noise!”
Disrupting any social injustice disrupts all of them.
Why? Because most injustices stem from the same discriminatory playbook. Look around, and you’ll see that this playbook is alive and well–in fact, it is growing. The only way to stop it is to stand up in solidarity with our truth.
Here are some discrimination playbook strategies that ring true for racism, patriarchy-misogynistic gender discrimination, socioeconomic class systems, anti-LGBTQIA2S+ phobias, anti-immigrant falsehoods, body shaming, and bullying of all types.
Establish a hierarchy.
Determine who is superior and who is inferior.
Create social media posts that extol the superior ones and dehumanize those labeled inferior. Post liberal doses of mis- and disinformation.
Use dehumanization as a justification for inhumane treatment.
Create hierarchical slogans and repeat the discriminatory tropes.
Repeat and escalate.
The phrase “Boys will be boys” is one of those hierarchical slogans that has been repeated so many times, most people no longer consider the sexist implications. This phrase posits that boys can do whatever they please–including harming women–because, after all, they’re boys. They get a gender pass (as in Epstein files?). This phrase excuses abusive behavior as being part of their nature. What does that mean for women and girls? Well, boys can’t help it so there’s nothing we can do. It’s a forced helplessness. It’s abuse.
It’s unacceptable.
Which is why we have to disrupt it.
That’s exactly what we do in this duet.
I set up the duet for a man (M) who strikes up a conversation with an advocate (A).
Here’s the CHORUS:
M: Boys will be boys!
A: That’s a lot of foolish noise!
M: Isn’t it true?
A: Do we say that for girls, too?
M: No, never! [Repeat.]
(Prior to this moment, the man hasn’t encountered the possibility that his gender construct is misguided, so at this point, he starts asking the advocate questions. The advocate plays on stereotypical machismo characteristics and flips them on their heads.)
M: What does it take to be a man?
A: It takes strength and courage.
It takes bravery, too.
It takes daring and passion.
It takes wisdom, too.
M: (with bravado & swagger) Well, I’m strong (flexing muscles) & courageous,
And I’m very brave, too.
And I’m daring & passionate, and I’m so wise, too.
A: Then, use your strength to be gentle and your courage to be kind.
M: Use my strength to be gentle and my courage to be kind?
A: Yes, use your bravery to listen without judgment, without snide.
M: Use my bravery to listen without judgment, without snide?
A: Right! Volunteer to cook meals and tutor children in the neighborhood.
M: Volunteer to cook meals and tutor children in the neighborhood?
A: Wisdom means you pay attention to what others need around you.
M: Wisdom means I pay attention to what others need around me?
A: And instead of violence, practice kindness.
M: And instead of violence, practice kindness? [Repeat & repeat.]
M: (gradually catching on) I’ll show my strength through gentleness,
Show my courage through kindness,
Show my bravery by listening,
Show my passion by caring.
M: (feeling proud of this transformation)
Oh, it feels so good to truly be a man!
And it feels so much better to figure out who I am!
(Aside: Here’s the thing: all genders suffer through oppression.
Women are targeted by the oppressors.
When oppressors allow themselves to be abusive (abuse is a choice), the oppressors lose their moral compass, lose touch with childlike wonder, curiosity, and the ability to love and be loved. They might gain momentary control, but in the process, they lose their soul.)
(And here’s the other thing: as you’ll see in the next segment of the duet, change rarely happens overnight. It takes practice and more practice and more practice.
It takes mentoring (as in this song), and support, and accountability.)
M: And when my sons get into fights, I’ll whoop their asses!
A: Whooooops, sir!!!
(At this point, the man and advocate return to the beginning of the duet and repeat everything they’ve already sung (the practice and more practice lesson). This time, the man remembers to practice what he is saying and makes it to the end of the song):
M: Wisdom means I pay attention to what others need around me
And instead of violence, practice kindness.
******
This duet models the steps we can take as activists who disrupt stereotypes, break down hierarchies, and stand up for those who have been oppressed. Then, we repeat our disrupter activist steps over and over as we address one social issue after the next.
We cannot remain silent. Too much is at stake.
At Healing Bells, our advocacy for Sexual Assault Awareness continues year-round.
And as the duet says, the key to paving a path toward healing and supportive communities is practicing equity, inclusion, seeing people’s strengths and goodness, practicing kindness, gentleness, caring, and wisdom.
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